5 Reasons Why I have Considered Deleting Facebook (but can’t)

The original concept of Facebook was awesome: being able to connect with your college friends and then staying in touch as the years went on.

The operative word here being “original.” I am sorry to say that I was part of that generation that ruined Facebook. Once my generation came along, high schoolers realized there was another avenue of social media to let every stranger in the world know where they are, what they’re doing, and give them another opportunity to creep on them. I, having an older sister and knowing what Facebook was intended for, did not have one until I graduated high school and got into college. So I suppose I’ve always had somewhat of a distate for Facebook: and for as long as I’ve had one it’s only evolved into something I don’t want to use even more.

I’m not sure when games, obnoxious advertisements, and sharing to the 5th degree was ever intended to be integrated into social media. It was tolerable before, but with every new evolution of Facebook, it becomes increasingly intolerable. We’ve gone from the “poke” to Farmville to the point where I have seriously considered deleting it altogether.

I know what you’re thinking; why don’t you just delete your Facebook then and quit whining about it? Trust me, as much as I want to, it’s an addiction. It’s like knowing how terrible cigarettes are for you and not being able to quit. Facebook is my drug and social-media-cancer is my imminent death.

In the mean time, I’m going to whine about it. Here are 5 reasons why I have considered deleting my Facebook:

1. Procrastination
It’s our go-to method of avoiding homework, work, or doing anything productive in life. Even though you’ve convinced yourself that you won’t log on during exam week or you’ve deleted the app from your cell phone a thousands times, you somehow find yourself at the corner of “man I want to tell the world how much I love this song” and “but I really need to finish this project.” Who wins in the end? We all know the answer to that one.

2. It puts you in a bad mood

Or maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s all women. So many us fall victim to “virtual envy” and Facebook is our first avenue. How many times has this happened to you/your friend/your sister: You’ve been dating a guy for 6 years and have been waiting for him to propose for 5 and everytime another one of your friends gets engaged, you defriend them/block them from your newsfeed/immediately close out the notification. But it keeps popping up in your news feed because your friend’s-mother’s-sister also happens to be friends with her and she liked her status, “happily engaged! Can’t wait for the big day!” and there you are, at the bottom of a carton of Ben and Jerry’s.

Ok maybe I’m exaggerating. But only a little.

3. Judgement Central

When was the last time you stopped yourself from posting a picture because you didn’t want your Facebook “friends” to judge you and your life decisions? It’s because we’re friends with 1,000 people and only really know about 20 of them. I’d say don’t worry about that long lost relative or that old college roommate who didn’t know how to keep her music down, but then I’d be a hypocrite.

4. DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA!

Whether it’s “I cannot believe she defriended me” or your mother calling you at endless hours of the night because your dad’s sister’s husband’s sister in India whom you’ve never met in your life somehow came across a picture of your new boyfriend and *gasp!* he’s not Indian! And privacy settings? Who is Facebook trying to kid. If I had a dollar for someone who wasn’t supposed to see my Facebook that did I’d be rich enough to buy Facebook.

5. I don’t need to know about some giraffe somewhere being killed and fed to the lions.

Or accidentally coming across a video of baby chicks being shredded into McDonalds chicken nuggets. Facebook is everyone’s hub to mandatorily make people read what they have to say or watch the videos they post as their friends scroll through their newsfeed. ¬†And who’s brilliant idea was it to automatically play videos? “That way, as people scroll across them when they’re in a doctors office and they accidentally leave their volume on, everyone will stare at them as an obnoxious blonde chick is screaming out of their phone or a monkey is humping it’s girlfriend! It’s brilliant!” And don’t even get me started on Bit Strips.

Oh yeah- and defriending those friends that post stupid stuff like this doesn’t work either. Because as long as someone you know liked a post, you can see things from people you don’t even know (half the time I swear I don’t even know the liker). And honestly, I don’t need to see what your mother’s-sister’s-friend’s-plumber posted, liked, or shared on Facebook because usually something depressing, offensive, or stupid. Once in a while I’ll come across something pretty awesome! But then the next thing will be back to ridiculousness and it’s not even worth it.

Maybe a total deletion of Facebook is pretty harsh. Maybe I’ll just have 10 Facebook friends and a waiting list and the minute one of them does something stupid, they’re out and the next one is in.

Beware my friends.

Much luv,
Avi

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10 Reasons Why I Defriended You on Facebook

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I’ve finally done it! I have finally gone through my Facebook friends and deleted the people I don’t know, have forgotten, am annoyed with, and, frankly, sick of. A couple months ago, I realized I had over 2,000 Facebook friends. Now, I don’t think I have enough close friends to even fill up a house for a dinner party; I definitely don’t know over 2,000 people.

I know how it happened. Throughout college between all of the conventions, organizations, parties, friends of friends of friends, the random cute guy I wanted to stalk, it all started to add up! But over the past couple months, I didn’t even want to use Facebook anymore because I would scroll through my news feed and wouldn’t even be sure who I was looking at anymore and not really caring about one of my “friend’s” new cat and it’s 100s of pictures (seriously, who posts 100 pictures of their cat? I can’t handle this).

I finally decided enough and started to slowly unfriend people. Well, let’s just say it’s not easy going through 2,000 people. It took me 1 hour to get through the A’s alone! It’s seemed a lot less difficult in my head but by the time you see the person’s name, their profile to decide to keep them or not… well, here’s how I decided to ultimately unfriend them:

1) I don’t recognize your name. Basically, if I had to actually look through your profile to figure out who you are and why we became friends in the first place, there’s a 50/50 shot that I unfriended you. Maybe that jogged my memory, but if not, adios!

2) Your group pictures show up on my News Feed
and I don’t know which one you are…

3) You send me game requests CONSTANTLY
No, I don’t want to add you to “My Birthdays” or play “Criminal Case” or share crops (or whatever it is they do on that Farming game). There’s a reason I haven’t accepted your request the first 1,395 times. It’s been a long time coming, my “friend.”

4) You keep adding me to random groups
WHEN and WHY did Facebook ever make the option to add people to a group without their approval? And if you were truly my friend, you would know I’m not interested in being part of your “Drifffffftttingg!!!@@!!” group (you can’t make this stuff up).

5) You have lost your phone too many times
Seriously, get it together.

6) You’re constantly posting daragtory posts/pictures or using daragtory language
I’m a big fan of Freedom of Speech, but not a fan of Freedom of @#$%^&. Sorry.

7) You are confusing Facebook with Twitter
And changing your status every 5 seconds with everything that happens to you. Sorry about the traffic, but wrong media outlet #FacebookProblems.

8) …and Instagram
NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU’RE EATING! Save the “nomnoms” for the #igers

9) I’m so tired of your pity party
I’m sorry that you can’t find a boyfriend. And maybe you’re right that men are so judgemental and if you were 20 lbs. skinnier you would have a boyfriend. But maybe you can’t find a boyfriend because your Facebook friends are annoyed with you posting about how you can’t find a boyfriend. Hmm!

10) Your political voice is too loud
Regardless of my own political affiliation, the minute you post “I THINK THEREFORE I AM NOT (Republican/Democrat),” (like I said, you can’t make this stuff up) I have no room for you in my life, let alone News Feed. It’s about unconditional respect.

If one of those reasons applies to you and I kept you on, it may have been because

1) It would have been too much drama to defriend you. You’ll find out, you’ll gossip, I’ll get an awkward Facebook message along with some bad karma. No thanks. Looking at your cats is a small price to pay

2) I want to see where you end up in life. Maybe we went to elementary school together… or maybe you were mean to me in High School and I’ll end up your boss one day (*evil nerd laugh*).

3) I only friend-ed you to stalk you. Don’t judge me. That’s normal, isn’t it?

Much Luv,
-Avi

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