10 Things Guys will Never Understand about Ladies

The other day my boyfriend looked at me and said, “I don’t understand why girls need so many shoes.” I just stared at him in disbelief that he couldn’t understand something that was so inherently female. But this was right after he bought me the most gorgeous pair of Cole Haan’s, so I let it slide.

I couldn’t blame him really. Being a lady is something so awesome, it’s beyond comprehension. I thought back to how many times over the past couple of months Boyfriend said something along the lines of, “why are girls…” or “how come girls are so obsessed with…” and it’s made me realize how many things there are about ladies that guys will never understand. Here are just a couple of them:

1. Needing a giant closet

This one has a simple answer. To store all of our 40 dresses, 30 shirts, and cute work clothes (yes, not all of our dresses are considered work clothes). Oh, and just because we are smaller than you and own tank tops that are smaller than your dress shirts, we do not need a smaller closet. It doesn’t work like that.

Closet not drawn to scale.

Closet not drawn to scale.

2. Using conditioner

No, we cannot use your 2-in-one-shampoo-and-conditioner because the conditioner aspect is non existent for us. Call it physics, call it chemistry, whatever you want to call it, we can’t use it the way you do. And you know it’s true too because when you use all of our conditioner up we end up looking like this:

ugh.

ugh.

3. Taking a long time to get ready

While you all you have to do is put on a nice shirt and jeans and throw some gel in your hair, we have to pick an outfit (which takes twice as long as it takes you to get ready alone), do our hair, then our make up, and then do it all over again when it’s not perfect. At the end of the day, don’t complain about it because we’re trying to look perfect for you.

4. Why the flowers you give us die

Who pulled them out of the ground to give them to us in the first place? You killed them, not us.

Ok. No problem.

Ok. No problem.

5. Why we love cuddling

We like to be held and loved. It feels amazing and it feels even more amazing when we do it with you.

6. Shopping.

Owning a million pairs of shoes and dresses, donating them and getting more is one of the best parts of being a lady. We know you’re jealous.

Another reason why we need a giant closet.

Another reason why we need a giant closet.

7. Spending endless hours on Pinterest

IT’S LIKE AN IMAGINARY WORLD WHERE YOU CAN PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR HOUSE, WEAR ANY PIECE OF CLOTHING, EXERCISE WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING, EAT ONLY HEALTHY FOOD, AND LAUGH AT EVERY RIDICULOUS THING. And no, you cannot have one. Girls only.

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8. Our obsession with babies, puppies, kittens.

Because they’re adorable. And by the way, we think you’re insane when you don’t agree.

9. Getting fit and skinny

We have to get bikini ready, fit into tight dresses, and look Barbie perfect. There’s a social pressure for us to be as beautiful as possible that guys do not have. This involves Special K diets, no carb diets, working out on the stationary bike (or the excer-cycle as Boyfriend likes to call it), eating clean, and any other crazy food fad diet you can imagine. You guys either have super high metabolisms and can eat 3 Baconators without thinking twice, or get a beer belly and no one would think anything of it. Sometimes we get jealous of you… then realize how much cuter our clothes are then yours and we get over it.

10. Getting married, the wedding dress, the ring, having babies.

We have a biological clock and are on a time crunch here! Get a move on it and if you like it put a ring on it! And as for the ring,the wedding dress, and the wedding, we’ve been thinking about all of those things since we were seven years old and dressing ourselves up in our mom’s white table cloth. It better be perfect!

Dum dum da dum... dum dum da dum...

Dum dum da dum… dum dum da dum…

Bottom line:

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xoxo
Avi

 

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You Make me Feel Like I’m Living a Teenage Dream

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/14/daily-prompt-its-friday-im-in-love/

Daily Prompt: It’s Friday, I’m in Love

by Krista on February 14, 2014

Remember your first crush? Think about that very first object of your affection. Oh, the sweaty palms. The swoony feeling in your stomach. Tell us the story of your first crush. What was it about this person that made your heart pound? Was the love requited? Change the names to protect the guilty or innocent if you must! No judgement here. Happy Valentine’s Day!

It’s so funny to think back to that very first person you ever laid eyes on and had all these crazy fantasies. You take one look at them and see your life in fast forward. You picture coming home to them every day after work, cooking in the kitchen as they wrap their arms around you, surprising you with flowers, kissing them goodnight, snuggling on the couch watching t.v., midnight walks along the river. All those wonderful fantasies that clearly only live in your dreams.

Then you snap back to reality and realize you’ve never talked to this guy in your life, he doesn’t know your name or your existence, and will probably never see him again. But that doesn’t stop your 12 year old mind from picturing you with him for the rest of your life.

Creepy!

That happened to me many, many moons ago. But I’m not sure if I would call it a crush. That’s nothing more than an object of your affection, someone to input into pre-existing fantasies that have been swirling in your teenage hormonal mind already.

A true crush is someone who can make those fantasies come true. Every last one of them. Seems totally unrealistic right? Those are things you only think about as you fall asleep or while you’re dreaming, not things that would actually happen in real life. That’s what I thought too. Until I met my first real crush.

Which wasn’t until about 3 months ago. I waited 24 years, but he finally arrived. When I first laid eyes on him, I think it was written all over my face just how incredibly hot I thought he was. I knew absolutely nothing about him but the teenage fantasies already started to flow. Sweaty palms and all, but he was just glad I didn’t smell like curry.

We talked for an hour and half but what felt like only 5 minutes. And then we danced while my stomach was still churning and my heart was beating to the bass of the salsa music. By the end of the night, oh I was definitely infatuated.

And then a week later, I was in serious daytime-drama-teenage-fantasy-crush-mode.

And over the course of the next 3 months, he made every one of those teenage fantasies come true.

And they just keep getting better.20140214-153447.jpg

I know it’s Valentine’s Day, but this is what every day feels like with him.

xoxo
Avi

30 Things Guys Should Know About Us

I found this list from a blog I used to keep when I was 14 (almost 10 years ago). It was written by a good guy friend of mine. All are still very true!

WRITTEN BY A MAN WITH MUCH EXPERIENCE

1. Whatever u do, don’t just show up at their house… they run around in their underwear just like we do.

2. DON’T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they will find out and you will be mud.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your butt at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn’t even wait for the hat.

4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they’re beautiful.

5. DON’T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it’s because they’re jealous.

6. If they slap you hard, you DESERVED it.

7. DON’T be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they’re going out with you in the first place, it’s because they like being in your arms.

8. If you DON’T sleep with them, do not tell your friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, DON’T tell your friends that you did.

9. You CAN be dirty minded in private, really… most of them are not offended by it.

10. not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

11. Most of them DON’T mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you’re a prick.

11.5. Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

12. Every girl should eventually get THREE THINGS from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, one of his sweatshirts, and a really pretty ring. Even if it’s not a serious relationship.

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you’re dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren’t dropping her off, call to be sure she’s home safely.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to kick the crap out of him.

15. If you’re talking to a female friend of yours, pull your girlfriend closer.

16. NEVER , ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, “Oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any gestures back.

17. go to a chick flick once in a while. she DOESN’T care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

18. You’re dead meat if you CAN’T get along with their pets, parents and best friends. Be PRINCE CHARMING to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

19. DON’T flirt with their moms… that’s just freaky.

20. DON’T be freaked out by PMS. It’s not gross, and it really does make them feel like crap, so be UNDERSTANDING.

21. If you don’t like the way they drive, you do it.

22. If you’re officially dating, and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better introduce her as your girlfriend.

23. DON’T stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you’re play fighting/wrestling, be very GENTLE .

26. Memorize their freakin birthdays. You forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life.

27. DON’T marinade the cologne, but smell good.

28. DON’T give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or ANNIVERSARY or Valentine’s day. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful. Jewelry is always nice.

29. If you think the relationship isn’t going to last, don’t wait to find out. It will only hurt you more if you draw it out.

30. After you’ve been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.