10 Things to Never Settle For in Love

I never agreed with this concept of “settling” to begin with. Why do all women have an incessant need to feel like there are things we need to put up with in relationships instead of realizing the man we’re with simply does not deserve to be with us?

Every woman has been there. We want to settle for second rate and put up with red flags because we think we have to, want it to work, or have been in a situation so long that we feel like we’re trapped. Or sometimes because we think it’s our last shot at love and if we lose this one then when will another one come along?

Well, this is me saying get out. Don’t put up with anything you think you shouldn’t have to. Because if you find yourself putting up with things or doing any of the following, it’s not meant to be. Have faith that the real thing will come along.

1. Someone who makes you feel like you have to change. Any man that makes you feel like if you lost weight, exercised more, ate different, acted more maturely, dressed differently, or do anything else that is just not inherently you, you would be loved more is absolutely 100% not worth your time. Because a man who thinks you need to change one way or another will never accept you for who you really are and will therefore never truly love you inside and out. The reality is a man who wants you to be someone else is looking for someone else.  It is so easy for us to make men like this question our self worth and make ourselves not feel good enough, and who wants to live like that?

2. Someone who makes you question whether or not they love you. If a man makes you question if they truly love you, then they do not love you enough. Plain and simple.

3. Someone who does not accentuate the true you. No one deserves to take away the true you away from you. If you feel like the man you’re with dims your sparkle even the slightest, you are with the wrong man. Someone you are meant to be with will only make your sparkle shine brighter and make you feel like the amazing woman you are.

4. Someone who places conditions on your relationship. Whether that means waiting a certain amount of time for you to be together or a certain life event to take place. If it’s not meant to be right now, chances are it’s not meant to be ever. You deserve better than that.

5. Someone who doesn’t make you feel safe. Listen to me carefully: If he ever does something to make you feel unsafe, even if it’s just one time, get away. It doesn’t get better, only worse. And every woman deserves to feel safe in the arms of her man.

6. Someone who doesn’t treat you differently regardless of who you are around. Whether you are out with your friends, his friends, his family, or at home, you should still feel the same love, affection, and vibes from him. Now I’m not saying he should be as PDA as you are during private time, but he should still be sending you those warm vibes and he should make you feel like you belong to him. If he is giving you the cold shoulder, not reaching for your hand as you are him, and treating you like you’re not even together, you should question how can someone who truly cares about you is even be capable of that. And if people are unsure if you’re dating, that’s not a good sign either.

7. Someone who tries to convince you out of your beliefs. Our beliefs and morals are what we live by. No one has the right to take them away from us. Whether it’s religion, political affiliation, even music choice, someone who actively tries to convince you to align your beliefs with theirs or consistently tells you you’re beliefs are wrong, is not someone worth being with. And note there is a distinction between a good healthy discussion and actively convincing and manipulating.

8. Someone who tries to separate you from your friends, family, and loved ones. It is normal when we’re in a relationship to become more distant from our loved ones, but what is not normal is your significant other actively trying to distance you from them. These people have been with you through thick and thin and love you unconditionally. They don’t deserve to lose you because of someone else. This includes your man telling you not to hang out with your guy friends (ones that you legitimately have no history with and he doesn’t want you hanging out with them purely because he is a dude). This means he doesn’t trust you and trust is everything in a relationship.

9. Someone who tries to use tangible objects to manipulate your emotions. No, presents do not buy love. They do not make up for arguments. And no one should be able to buy themselves out of an argument or try to make you love them more through gifts.

10. Someone who talks down to you and makes you feel like any less of a woman. You are great. You are amazing. You are incredible. Anyone who makes you feel anything less does not deserve you.

If you are putting up with any of these, you don’t have to. Remember that you are incredible and don’t deserve to be treated this way. Instead of wasting your time and energy in this relationship, spend it in faith knowing the real thing is out there and the longer you waste your time in this relationship, the more opportunities you are wasting out there looking for the right one.

xoxo
Avi

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5 Reasons Why I have Considered Deleting Facebook (but can’t)

The original concept of Facebook was awesome: being able to connect with your college friends and then staying in touch as the years went on.

The operative word here being “original.” I am sorry to say that I was part of that generation that ruined Facebook. Once my generation came along, high schoolers realized there was another avenue of social media to let every stranger in the world know where they are, what they’re doing, and give them another opportunity to creep on them. I, having an older sister and knowing what Facebook was intended for, did not have one until I graduated high school and got into college. So I suppose I’ve always had somewhat of a distate for Facebook: and for as long as I’ve had one it’s only evolved into something I don’t want to use even more.

I’m not sure when games, obnoxious advertisements, and sharing to the 5th degree was ever intended to be integrated into social media. It was tolerable before, but with every new evolution of Facebook, it becomes increasingly intolerable. We’ve gone from the “poke” to Farmville to the point where I have seriously considered deleting it altogether.

I know what you’re thinking; why don’t you just delete your Facebook then and quit whining about it? Trust me, as much as I want to, it’s an addiction. It’s like knowing how terrible cigarettes are for you and not being able to quit. Facebook is my drug and social-media-cancer is my imminent death.

In the mean time, I’m going to whine about it. Here are 5 reasons why I have considered deleting my Facebook:

1. Procrastination
It’s our go-to method of avoiding homework, work, or doing anything productive in life. Even though you’ve convinced yourself that you won’t log on during exam week or you’ve deleted the app from your cell phone a thousands times, you somehow find yourself at the corner of “man I want to tell the world how much I love this song” and “but I really need to finish this project.” Who wins in the end? We all know the answer to that one.

2. It puts you in a bad mood

Or maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s all women. So many us fall victim to “virtual envy” and Facebook is our first avenue. How many times has this happened to you/your friend/your sister: You’ve been dating a guy for 6 years and have been waiting for him to propose for 5 and everytime another one of your friends gets engaged, you defriend them/block them from your newsfeed/immediately close out the notification. But it keeps popping up in your news feed because your friend’s-mother’s-sister also happens to be friends with her and she liked her status, “happily engaged! Can’t wait for the big day!” and there you are, at the bottom of a carton of Ben and Jerry’s.

Ok maybe I’m exaggerating. But only a little.

3. Judgement Central

When was the last time you stopped yourself from posting a picture because you didn’t want your Facebook “friends” to judge you and your life decisions? It’s because we’re friends with 1,000 people and only really know about 20 of them. I’d say don’t worry about that long lost relative or that old college roommate who didn’t know how to keep her music down, but then I’d be a hypocrite.

4. DRAMA! DRAMA! DRAMA!

Whether it’s “I cannot believe she defriended me” or your mother calling you at endless hours of the night because your dad’s sister’s husband’s sister in India whom you’ve never met in your life somehow came across a picture of your new boyfriend and *gasp!* he’s not Indian! And privacy settings? Who is Facebook trying to kid. If I had a dollar for someone who wasn’t supposed to see my Facebook that did I’d be rich enough to buy Facebook.

5. I don’t need to know about some giraffe somewhere being killed and fed to the lions.

Or accidentally coming across a video of baby chicks being shredded into McDonalds chicken nuggets. Facebook is everyone’s hub to mandatorily make people read what they have to say or watch the videos they post as their friends scroll through their newsfeed.  And who’s brilliant idea was it to automatically play videos? “That way, as people scroll across them when they’re in a doctors office and they accidentally leave their volume on, everyone will stare at them as an obnoxious blonde chick is screaming out of their phone or a monkey is humping it’s girlfriend! It’s brilliant!” And don’t even get me started on Bit Strips.

Oh yeah- and defriending those friends that post stupid stuff like this doesn’t work either. Because as long as someone you know liked a post, you can see things from people you don’t even know (half the time I swear I don’t even know the liker). And honestly, I don’t need to see what your mother’s-sister’s-friend’s-plumber posted, liked, or shared on Facebook because usually something depressing, offensive, or stupid. Once in a while I’ll come across something pretty awesome! But then the next thing will be back to ridiculousness and it’s not even worth it.

Maybe a total deletion of Facebook is pretty harsh. Maybe I’ll just have 10 Facebook friends and a waiting list and the minute one of them does something stupid, they’re out and the next one is in.

Beware my friends.

Much luv,
Avi

10 Reasons Why I Defriended You on Facebook

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I’ve finally done it! I have finally gone through my Facebook friends and deleted the people I don’t know, have forgotten, am annoyed with, and, frankly, sick of. A couple months ago, I realized I had over 2,000 Facebook friends. Now, I don’t think I have enough close friends to even fill up a house for a dinner party; I definitely don’t know over 2,000 people.

I know how it happened. Throughout college between all of the conventions, organizations, parties, friends of friends of friends, the random cute guy I wanted to stalk, it all started to add up! But over the past couple months, I didn’t even want to use Facebook anymore because I would scroll through my news feed and wouldn’t even be sure who I was looking at anymore and not really caring about one of my “friend’s” new cat and it’s 100s of pictures (seriously, who posts 100 pictures of their cat? I can’t handle this).

I finally decided enough and started to slowly unfriend people. Well, let’s just say it’s not easy going through 2,000 people. It took me 1 hour to get through the A’s alone! It’s seemed a lot less difficult in my head but by the time you see the person’s name, their profile to decide to keep them or not… well, here’s how I decided to ultimately unfriend them:

1) I don’t recognize your name. Basically, if I had to actually look through your profile to figure out who you are and why we became friends in the first place, there’s a 50/50 shot that I unfriended you. Maybe that jogged my memory, but if not, adios!

2) Your group pictures show up on my News Feed
and I don’t know which one you are…

3) You send me game requests CONSTANTLY
No, I don’t want to add you to “My Birthdays” or play “Criminal Case” or share crops (or whatever it is they do on that Farming game). There’s a reason I haven’t accepted your request the first 1,395 times. It’s been a long time coming, my “friend.”

4) You keep adding me to random groups
WHEN and WHY did Facebook ever make the option to add people to a group without their approval? And if you were truly my friend, you would know I’m not interested in being part of your “Drifffffftttingg!!!@@!!” group (you can’t make this stuff up).

5) You have lost your phone too many times
Seriously, get it together.

6) You’re constantly posting daragtory posts/pictures or using daragtory language
I’m a big fan of Freedom of Speech, but not a fan of Freedom of @#$%^&. Sorry.

7) You are confusing Facebook with Twitter
And changing your status every 5 seconds with everything that happens to you. Sorry about the traffic, but wrong media outlet #FacebookProblems.

8) …and Instagram
NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU’RE EATING! Save the “nomnoms” for the #igers

9) I’m so tired of your pity party
I’m sorry that you can’t find a boyfriend. And maybe you’re right that men are so judgemental and if you were 20 lbs. skinnier you would have a boyfriend. But maybe you can’t find a boyfriend because your Facebook friends are annoyed with you posting about how you can’t find a boyfriend. Hmm!

10) Your political voice is too loud
Regardless of my own political affiliation, the minute you post “I THINK THEREFORE I AM NOT (Republican/Democrat),” (like I said, you can’t make this stuff up) I have no room for you in my life, let alone News Feed. It’s about unconditional respect.

If one of those reasons applies to you and I kept you on, it may have been because

1) It would have been too much drama to defriend you. You’ll find out, you’ll gossip, I’ll get an awkward Facebook message along with some bad karma. No thanks. Looking at your cats is a small price to pay

2) I want to see where you end up in life. Maybe we went to elementary school together… or maybe you were mean to me in High School and I’ll end up your boss one day (*evil nerd laugh*).

3) I only friend-ed you to stalk you. Don’t judge me. That’s normal, isn’t it?

Much Luv,
-Avi

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5 Ways to be Happier Right Now

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I have always considered myself to be a grade A optimist. But it wasn’t until the other night when I was talking to my roommate that I realized how necessary it is for everyone to be some level of optimistic. It truly is the way to see the world in a beautiful light, appreciate your surroundings, and has been my key to happiness.

So, I want to share some insight into the mind of an optimist. I hope that this post will bring you some happiness in turn.

1. See the Sunshine

Every morning when you wake up, look up at the sky. There are always gloomy, cloudy, rainy, foggy days. But no matter what, whether you see it or not, there is sunshine. Look past the clouds and grey and find the sunshine. Instant happiness! Use this to start your day and apply the same logic in anything life brings your way. I know it sounds corny, but try it tomorrow morning and you’ll see!

2. Make the “small things” BIG things

When you arrived at the crosswalk, did the light turn to walk (I LOVE when this happens!)? Or when you arrived at the automatic door, didn’t it just feel like the universe was saying “WELCOME!” (I love automatic doors)? I don’t know about you, but those don’t sound like “small things” to me. Those sound like wonderful ways the universe is saying have a nice day! Appreciate these moments and make them into big deals!

3. Cut out the Negative Nancy’s

We all have those people in our lives that suck the happiness out of us. No matter what they have to say it seems like something is always wrong with their lives. Or worse, the people that are always trying to pull you in one direction, make you feel bad or defensive, begging for your attention, and just don’t make us feel good inside (I call these people emotional manipulators). Get rid of these people. They have no space in your life! My dear friend, who is the sweetest person in the world, is somehow a magnet to these people. I had lunch with her the other day and she wouldn’t stop talking about one of her friends who had hurt her and it slowly turned into a swarm of all of the hurtful things this person did to her. I couldn’t believe there was someone out there sucking the happiness and cheer out of her. After about an hour and half, I looked at her square in the eye and said “you need to cut this girl out of your life.” She’s de-friended her, stopped responding to text messages and feels so much better now. Just remember:Surround yourself with people who love you because that’s what you deserve.

4. Pick up something you love
Whether its a camera, your running shoes, or even a good and trashy romance novel (Nora Roberts, anyone?), pick it up and get your happy fix. So often, myself included, we tell ourselves we don’t have time for these small pleasures because there’s something more important we need to do like work or school. But if we deprive ourselves of these small pleasures and surround ourselves with things that make our head hurt, when do we make time for happiness? Take a 15 minute break, do something you love, then go back to work. You’ll be in a much better mood and these “more important” things won’t be so bad.

5. SMILE
Ok has this ever happened to you: you spend an hour getting ready, doing your hair, your makeup everything. Then you look in the mirror and you’re like “what did I do wrong?” because you feel like you don’t look as great as you should? It happens to me all the time and it took me a while to find the reason. I wasn’t smiling! Add a smile to your makeup! It makes people wonder what you’re thinking, releases endorphins, and best of all, it makes you happy, even if you’re not happy inside! Try it. Now :-D!

I hope that if nothing else this post brought a smile to your face and a little happiness in your life. If so, I’m so happy to hear it.

If not, well, there is no if not. I’m an optimist, remember 😉

Much luv,
-Avi