Dear John

The first day of school, Harry walked into class and I could see there was something special about him. He was clearly in the wrong math class and should have been placed in advanced Algebra 2. Within the first week of school, I contacted both his counselor and his mom and he was moved to Pre IB algebra 2. From then on, every fourth block he would walk into 910 instead of room 909 and I never saw him again.

But this story isn’t about Harry. It’s about the quiet boy who sat next to him, John.

When I had decided to become a teacher, I was rejected from my first choice Masters program. I also failed the Math PRAXIS twice and couldn’t teach at my first county of choice. I was devastated. That was my ticket into teaching and I was had no idea what to do next. Until I found out I didn’t need any of that if I wanted to teach in the city. So I thought I would stay there until I could pass my exams.

Immediately I was hooked. I could get these kids so excited about math and I felt like I was really making a difference. I thought anyone could make a difference in the suburbs, but look at me, I’m making a difference with kids who need me. Anyone could stand in front of the room and teach math to students who come from more. But I teach kids who come from nothing. I was doing “desaseva” as my mom called it, “saving the world” one child at a time. It felt amazing like I had found my calling in life.

Eventually for reasons I won’t go into now, I started to consider leaving the inter-city school system. I had passed my exams and was read for a change. But I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I was being selfish for leaving students who needed me for students who didn’t. But then I talked to my teacher friend who told me there are kids everywhere that need you. I didn’t believe her. I thought she just didn’t understand. That was until I decided to leave the city and join the suburbs. That was until I met John.

John, unlike Harry, was very quiet. But like Harry, was extremely bright and clearly could have succeeded in advanced Algebra 2. He shouldn’t have been placed in my class, he belonged in room 910 with Harry. We contacted his mom as well, but John stayed in my class.

Throughout the year John was my top student. Anything I taught he would immediately master and help the rest of his group. If I ever thought I forgot to teach something, John would remind me that I did because he’d know it. I would walk by him each class and give him a little feedback if anything but other than that, John didn’t need me. I was consistently met with the feeling that John could have been learning more in 910 than my room. John could have been learning with students like Harry than with students under his level like the ones in my room.

Later that year, John passed his Virginia Standards of Learning exam with a perfect 600. When I had the pleasure of telling him the news, his face read as obviously. I too had no doubt that of course he did and I had nothing to do with it. I thought whether he was in my classroom or not this would have been the score he rightfully deserved.

The school year ended and John was another student I told good bye! And have a great summer to, never thinking I’d see him again, but believing that no matter where he ended up and whichever teachers had the honor of teaching his brilliant mind, that he would be successful. I truly never believed I’d even hear his name again.

Until that summer when I ran into a family friend of John’s family who informed me that John had signed up for Precalculus to which l thought obviously! But apparently the county had accidently preemptively released student schedules and John’s mom had to make a “phone call” because I wasn’t his Precalculus teacher. I was taken a back. Why did it matter that I wasn’t John’s teacher again this year?

What I learned was that the first week of school when I suggested to John that he move from my class into Advanced Algebra 2, he went home that night and talked to his mom. John felt that for the first time he mattered, that he was seen, heard, and understood. Being the quiet successful student that he was, no one ever stopped to make sure he was included. The collaborastive environment of my class made John feel like he had a role and mattered not only to me, but other people as well. He had always been a successful math student, but in my class it was more than that. He never switched to the class that I thought he belonged in because plain and simple, he loved being in my class and loved his teachers.

I was moved to tears. Every time John earned an A in my class to when he earned that final 600, I never thought it was because of me. I never thought I mattered. I truly felt that anyone could have taught him this subject and he would succeed. But sometimes our role as teachers isn’t just about teaching, it’s about making kids feel like they matter. Sure, anyone could have taught John, but what he taught me was that most of the time, teaching isn’t about teaching. In John’s case, I made him feel like he existed. In other cases, I make students smile, be successful, know I’m there’s and know that I care. Teaching is not just about the education you receive, it’s about the life you believe your students deserve to lead.

And John, just like I almost never knew that I made a difference in your life and education, you may never know just how much of a difference you made in my life. But just know, you will always matter to me.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s