To the B In Apartment 324

“To apt 3225,

I have been VERY nice over the past 7-8 months not to report you to the leasing office. I hear you vacuuming your apartment at least 2-3 times per week after the hours of 9pm and one time even at 2am!! As your neighbor, it has GOT to stop! You need to vacuum your apartment earlier in the day. This is your final warning before I report you to the leasing office.

-Your AGITATED neighbor.

To the B in apartment 324,

If you had handled this like a mature adult, I would apologize and say it will not happen again, as I had no idea the walls across the hall were so thin that you could hear my vacuum. But since that is not what you did, here you go:

I am in shock that you find yourself to be a “nice person” after writing this passivr agreasive note. But, I feel so sorry for you that you feel that all people are so inherently evil as you are that you think someone would turn on their vacuum with the intention of disturbing their neighbors. I would imagine this is what you thought, since you at no point over the past SEVEN OR EIGHT MONTHS you mentioned anything to me about how you can hear my vacuuming.

First of all, that is so sad that you have nothing else better to do than to keep track of when your neighbors are vacuuming. Yes, I probably vacuumed at 2am. Some nights I come home after drinking with friends and realize that I still need to clean my cat’s litter so I need to vacuum as well. You probably have no idea what that feels like since you clearly have no friends, or a life for that matter.

Second of all, if you expect to live somewhere where you can’t hear your neighbors, I suggest you not live in an APARTMENT building. Your dog yapping throughout the day is half of the reason why I’m moving to my house. As a side note, I am in shock that someone with an annoying ass dog such as yours has the audacity to write this note in the first place. Although, it now completely makes sense how your dog came to be so poorly trained in the first place. I actually feel more sorry for your dog than I do you.

Lastly, who are you to give me a “FINAL NOTICE”? If you live in a building with a leasing office, I would have much rather you go through them and “file your complaint.” Why? Because they know how to handle adult situations which is somewhere you clearly lack. This is my apartment and I will do as I please. Who do you think you are to give me warnings or a final warning?

Let this be a lesson to you, you fresh out of college entitled brat. In the future handle your issues like a grown adult and maybe people will hear you out. In the meantime, I’ll just vacuum my place first thing in the morning at 5:30am. I hope that early enough for you. If not, well, I won’t be here 7 months from now which is apparently how long it takes you to handle your aggression.

Your friendly neighbor,
Apt 325