I Don’t Want to be Skinny Anymore.

In January 2013 I was overweight. I had gone to the doctor’s for my regular physical exam and she told me I was almost 140 pounds, had high cholesterol, and was on the path for a slew of medical problems.

The worst part was, I wasn’t even a bit surprised.

I had just finished my college career where my nights were filled with late night Taco Bell/Wendy’s/McDonalds/Thai Food runs to fuel me for those all-nighters. As a senior, pre-med, math major, I had no time to hit the gym and stay active. Throughout college I had come to several crossroads where I realized how desperately I needed to change my lifestyle, not just because of the reflection that I saw in the mirror, but because of my relationship.

I felt unwanted, unattractive, and worst of all, unloved, not just by my significant other, but by myself. I wasn’t happy. As a result, I became a yo-yo dieter. I tried to motivate myself by trying to look beautiful for my boyfriend so he would love me more and not leave me. I convinced myself I was doing it for me, but deep down I knew that wasn’t true. Eventually, he did leave me, and, after graduating, I moved back home for a couple of months while I applied to medical school.

I left the doctor’s office knowing something needed to change. So I made it happen.

Moving home for 6 months after college was the best thing I have ever done for my health. I joined my parents’ gym and went there nearly every day. I became a Zumba addict. My mother became my “personal chef,” turning every nasty healthy recipie into another work of art. I subscribed to the mantra “no carbs after lunch.” I drank so much water, quit my Diet Coke addiction cold turkey, stopped eating fast food, and my only indulgences were healthy sweet treats I found on Pinterest. I never weighed myself, only gauged my weight loss based on how my work out clothes fit me.

By spring, I saw my doctor again for a sinus infection. She was amazed that in a matter of a couple of months I had lost 10 pounds. By August 2012, my sister’s wedding, I was 20 pounds down, weighed 118 pounds, and felt better than ever, but most of all, I was happier than I had been in a very long time.

20140617-144043-52843246.jpg

What was so different this time? What motivated me to lose so much weight that was different than the 10 times I had tried while I was in college? This time, losing weight and getting in shape wasn’t motivated by an loveless relationship, looking hot, looking great in a bikini; it was motivated by being healthy and becoming happy.

The next couple of months were amazing for me. Not only did I love my body and love my life, I met the most incredible man who showed me love I never knew was possible. I started living and loving life more than before. I went from being the happiest I had been in a long time to being the happiest I have been ever before.

Well, recently I have noticed that the 118 pound bombshell is no more. I started gaining weight again and don’t look nearly as good in a bikini as I had before, and in a nutshell, I freaked out.

What changed? Well, with my wonderful new relationship came new adventures, experiences, and indulgences. I wasn’t exercising as much anymore and my no carbs after lunch policy went out the window. We love dessert and we love bacon. I still eat healthy and the thought of greasy fast food makes me feel sick. My lifestyle changes have stuck with me for the most part, but once in a while I indulge and with it comes more weight. Back then, my only focuses were losing weight and studying for my MCATs. Now, my focus is my happiness and living and loving life and him.

And even though I’m not the skinny lady he first met, he still loves me. But most of all, I love myself and think I’m beautiful. It has been a long, rough path to accept that fact.

Today I got the results of my physical exam from last Friday and my cholesterol is down from 184 to 77.

So, no longer do I want to be skinny. I want to be happy, healthy, and love myself for it.

And the best part is, I am and I do.

20140617-144043-52843813.jpg

 

10 Things to Never Settle For in Love

I never agreed with this concept of “settling” to begin with. Why do all women have an incessant need to feel like there are things we need to put up with in relationships instead of realizing the man we’re with simply does not deserve to be with us?

Every woman has been there. We want to settle for second rate and put up with red flags because we think we have to, want it to work, or have been in a situation so long that we feel like we’re trapped. Or sometimes because we think it’s our last shot at love and if we lose this one then when will another one come along?

Well, this is me saying get out. Don’t put up with anything you think you shouldn’t have to. Because if you find yourself putting up with things or doing any of the following, it’s not meant to be. Have faith that the real thing will come along.

1. Someone who makes you feel like you have to change. Any man that makes you feel like if you lost weight, exercised more, ate different, acted more maturely, dressed differently, or do anything else that is just not inherently you, you would be loved more is absolutely 100% not worth your time. Because a man who thinks you need to change one way or another will never accept you for who you really are and will therefore never truly love you inside and out. The reality is a man who wants you to be someone else is looking for someone else.  It is so easy for us to make men like this question our self worth and make ourselves not feel good enough, and who wants to live like that?

2. Someone who makes you question whether or not they love you. If a man makes you question if they truly love you, then they do not love you enough. Plain and simple.

3. Someone who does not accentuate the true you. No one deserves to take away the true you away from you. If you feel like the man you’re with dims your sparkle even the slightest, you are with the wrong man. Someone you are meant to be with will only make your sparkle shine brighter and make you feel like the amazing woman you are.

4. Someone who places conditions on your relationship. Whether that means waiting a certain amount of time for you to be together or a certain life event to take place. If it’s not meant to be right now, chances are it’s not meant to be ever. You deserve better than that.

5. Someone who doesn’t make you feel safe. Listen to me carefully: If he ever does something to make you feel unsafe, even if it’s just one time, get away. It doesn’t get better, only worse. And every woman deserves to feel safe in the arms of her man.

6. Someone who doesn’t treat you differently regardless of who you are around. Whether you are out with your friends, his friends, his family, or at home, you should still feel the same love, affection, and vibes from him. Now I’m not saying he should be as PDA as you are during private time, but he should still be sending you those warm vibes and he should make you feel like you belong to him. If he is giving you the cold shoulder, not reaching for your hand as you are him, and treating you like you’re not even together, you should question how can someone who truly cares about you is even be capable of that. And if people are unsure if you’re dating, that’s not a good sign either.

7. Someone who tries to convince you out of your beliefs. Our beliefs and morals are what we live by. No one has the right to take them away from us. Whether it’s religion, political affiliation, even music choice, someone who actively tries to convince you to align your beliefs with theirs or consistently tells you you’re beliefs are wrong, is not someone worth being with. And note there is a distinction between a good healthy discussion and actively convincing and manipulating.

8. Someone who tries to separate you from your friends, family, and loved ones. It is normal when we’re in a relationship to become more distant from our loved ones, but what is not normal is your significant other actively trying to distance you from them. These people have been with you through thick and thin and love you unconditionally. They don’t deserve to lose you because of someone else. This includes your man telling you not to hang out with your guy friends (ones that you legitimately have no history with and he doesn’t want you hanging out with them purely because he is a dude). This means he doesn’t trust you and trust is everything in a relationship.

9. Someone who tries to use tangible objects to manipulate your emotions. No, presents do not buy love. They do not make up for arguments. And no one should be able to buy themselves out of an argument or try to make you love them more through gifts.

10. Someone who talks down to you and makes you feel like any less of a woman. You are great. You are amazing. You are incredible. Anyone who makes you feel anything less does not deserve you.

If you are putting up with any of these, you don’t have to. Remember that you are incredible and don’t deserve to be treated this way. Instead of wasting your time and energy in this relationship, spend it in faith knowing the real thing is out there and the longer you waste your time in this relationship, the more opportunities you are wasting out there looking for the right one.

xoxo
Avi