The other day my boyfriend looked at me and said, “I don’t understand why girls need so many shoes.” I just stared at him in disbelief that he couldn’t understand something that was so inherently female. But this was right after he bought me the most gorgeous pair of Cole Haan’s, so I let it slide.
I couldn’t blame him really. Being a lady is something so awesome, it’s beyond comprehension. I thought back to how many times over the past couple of months Boyfriend said something along the lines of, “why are girls…” or “how come girls are so obsessed with…” and it’s made me realize how many things there are about ladies that guys will never understand. Here are just a couple of them:
1. Needing a giant closet
This one has a simple answer. To store all of our 40 dresses, 30 shirts, and cute work clothes (yes, not all of our dresses are considered work clothes). Oh, and just because we are smaller than you and own tank tops that are smaller than your dress shirts, we do not need a smaller closet. It doesn’t work like that.
2. Using conditioner
No, we cannot use your 2-in-one-shampoo-and-conditioner because the conditioner aspect is non existent for us. Call it physics, call it chemistry, whatever you want to call it, we can’t use it the way you do. And you know it’s true too because when you use all of our conditioner up we end up looking like this:
3. Taking a long time to get ready
While you all you have to do is put on a nice shirt and jeans and throw some gel in your hair, we have to pick an outfit (which takes twice as long as it takes you to get ready alone), do our hair, then our make up, and then do it all over again when it’s not perfect. At the end of the day, don’t complain about it because we’re trying to look perfect for you.
4. Why the flowers you give us die
Who pulled them out of the ground to give them to us in the first place? You killed them, not us.
5. Why we love cuddling
We like to be held and loved. It feels amazing and it feels even more amazing when we do it with you.
Owning a million pairs of shoes and dresses, donating them and getting more is one of the best parts of being a lady. We know you’re jealous.
7. Spending endless hours on Pinterest
IT’S LIKE AN IMAGINARY WORLD WHERE YOU CAN PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR HOUSE, WEAR ANY PIECE OF CLOTHING, EXERCISE WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING, EAT ONLY HEALTHY FOOD, AND LAUGH AT EVERY RIDICULOUS THING. And no, you cannot have one. Girls only.
8. Our obsession with babies, puppies, kittens.
Because they’re adorable. And by the way, we think you’re insane when you don’t agree.
9. Getting fit and skinny
We have to get bikini ready, fit into tight dresses, and look Barbie perfect. There’s a social pressure for us to be as beautiful as possible that guys do not have. This involves Special K diets, no carb diets, working out on the stationary bike (or the excer-cycle as Boyfriend likes to call it), eating clean, and any other crazy food fad diet you can imagine. You guys either have super high metabolisms and can eat 3 Baconators without thinking twice, or get a beer belly and no one would think anything of it. Sometimes we get jealous of you… then realize how much cuter our clothes are then yours and we get over it.
10. Getting married, the wedding dress, the ring, having babies.
We have a biological clock and are on a time crunch here! Get a move on it and if you like it put a ring on it! And as for the ring,the wedding dress, and the wedding, we’ve been thinking about all of those things since we were seven years old and dressing ourselves up in our mom’s white table cloth. It better be perfect!