Daily Prompt: What Nerds Find Funny

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Daily Prompt: Ha Ha Ha
Tell us a joke! Knock-knock joke, long story with a unexpected punchline, great zinger — all jokes are welcome!

Having graduated with Biomathematics and Math Education majors, I have learned a ton of math and science jokes and bad pick up lines along the way (you have to keep the kids interested somehow! Although many of these are not child appropriate, ironically I learned a large number from professors and kids throughout the years). Most of the time when I tell them I have to explain them so if you’re not a total dork like me, don’t worry! I’ve explained them here too:

So, here’s a compilation of some nerdy jokes I know. Enjoy!

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much. The bartender says, “for you, no charge!”
Explanation: a Neutron is a neutral atom as opposed to protons and electrons which are positively and negatively charged respectively.

Can I be your first derivative so I can lay tangent to your curves?
Explanation: the first derivative of an equation is the equation to find the line tangent to a curve. For example,
y= x^2 +3
y’= 2x <– this line is tangent to y (touches y at only one point)

Can I be your third derivative so I can explore your concavity?
Explanation: third derivatives find out where and if the curve is concave up (like a cup) or concave down (like an upside down U)

You must be the square root of -1 because you can’t be real.
Explanation: the square root of -1 is 1i, an imaginary number.

If I were sin2x and you were cos2x , together we’d be ONE!
Explanation: sin2x+cos2x=1

Why is 1 the sluttiest number? It goes into everything
Explanation: 1/1=1, 2/1=2, 3/1=3

I love this daily prompt! Here are some other jokes other daily prompt-ers are posting:

Carpe nerDiem! Happy Friday!
-Avi

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Carpe nerDiem!

I joke, I kid, and I make fun of myself, but here’s the real deal: I absolutely love being a nerd.

I get to read books, do math problems, and watch science YouTube videos while sitting in my bedroom which is decorate in tons of Superman memorabilia. I’m the girl that sits in the front of the class (partly because I’m short, partly because I’m a teacher’s pet), asks a ton of questions, and raises my hand to answer everything. You’d probably sit next to me in class if you want extra help or to cheat off my test.

But guess what, I get away with it because I’m a nerd. It’s like, my life excuse for doing whatever I want to do.

Think about it: think back to high school and the queen blonde bee who had it made. If you can’t think of someone, or perhaps that was you in high school (in which case, go away… j/k), think Regina George.

Exhibit A: Queen Blonde Bee Regina George

This girl could do no wrong. She walked around with holes cut out around her boobs and made it a fashion statement. Regina George is no nerd.

But, if she started watching science videos and invited you over for a Star Wars movie marathon, what would you do? The world would be flipped turned upside down.

Can Regina George be captain of the Debate team? A member of the Chess club? LARP on the campus lawn? Be the seeker for the campus Quidditch team?

Or worse… date someone who is?

Exhibit A does not belong in the nerd world and would never fit in.

Regina George is restricted by her social status. You see, when you’re a nerd, there are no restrictions on life. That’s probably why the “popular kids” make fun of the nerds; they’re just jealous they could never walk around in a Superman cape or with their Elder Wand.

Exhibit B: Nerd Avi

Exhibit B: Nerd Avi

I, on the other hand, could have a Star Trek movie marathon (not that I would. Star Wars is much better) AND walk around with holes cut out around my boobs and it would still be ok. I might get made fun of but let’s be honest, I’m going to be made fun of regardless. I stopped caring about that a long time ago.

Which is really what it boils down to, isn’t it? Being able to do what you want when you feel like it without having to worry about what someone is saying about you. In all honesty, being “popular” or whatever you want to call it is way too much pressure. I would much rather walk around pretending to put spells on people with my Elder Wand than worry about which days I am and am not allowed to wear pink so I don’t have to eat lunch by myself. As long as you think you’re cool enough at the end of the day, that’s all that matters. Then, hey, if you have to eat lunch alone, at least you’re hanging out with someone you think is pretty cool! Seriously, I could amuse myself for hours.

But you know what’s even better? Having family and friends who love you for who you are. Because who’s Superman without Lois Lane? Chewbacca without Han Solo? R2D2 without C3PO? I am so thankful for my incredible family and friends who love my nerdiness and actually religiously read my blog because they want to, ask me math problems because they need help and/or because they know I love doing math, and watch Star Wars/Superman/Batman movie marathons with me because they love them to.

Being a nerd is awesome and I wouldn’t want to be anything else. Life is too short to care what other people think about you.

Live long and prosper.

May the force be with you.

Carpe NerDiem!

Eat the Stupid Chip

Have you ever saved that one nacho in the center of the plate for the very end? You know which one I’m talking about; the delicious hub of all the cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and chili. It was just way to good to eat first, so you wait and eat all around it, sometimes violating it and using it for dipping other chips into. And then you wait until the very end so you can enjoy that glorious chip… all…by…itself.

How’s that been working out for ya?

Delayed gratification: the root of all evil. The excuse we give ourselves to not enjoy happiness that second. So we can ride the wave of anticipation until that magical moment when we can take a bite into happiness.

But have you ever wondered how that happiness would compare if we simply enjoyed it from the first second instead of waiting?

Well, here’s what I’ve been realizing more and more lately: the longer I delay gratification, the magnitude of happiness that I could experience decreases over time.

Because you know what happens to the good nacho chip? It gets soggy.

Or worse: someone else eats it. (I could have killed her…)

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But what happens if we just ate the chip right then and there? We can be as happy as possible and even a half an hour later we still experience the high of a great nacho!

So next time, kick delayed gratification to the curb and eat the stupid chip. Unless of course, you like soggy chips.

Or you’re out for blood.

Much Luv,

-Avi

My Human Tagline: Loquacious Indian Brat

Daily Prompt: Tagline http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/19/daily-prompt-tagline/

Often, our blogs have taglines. But what if humans did, too? What would your tagline be?

Loquacious Indian Brat.

The three words in the English language that describe me the best.

Loquacious: because I never stop talking. Seriously, it’s an issue.

Indian: because it defines who I am. My culture. My heritage. Where I come from.

Brat: because I cannot deny it anymore. I am such a brat.

Oh yeah, probably nerd somewhere in there too… since I love studying and books and all… 😎

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My sister recently told me that when I was little, everyone used to say I was going to be an artist because I have long fingers (I always just thought they were just man-hands. Who knew!). I thought I would check out what my “innate ability” was capable of. Not too shabby I guess! I still draw the way I used to when I was 7.

Side note: I do remember always drawing myself wearing a crown. I guess I’ve been bratty from the beginning… hmm another potential tagline, I suppose!

Much Luv,
-Avi

“Wedding Night,” Sisterly Love, and Purple Sneakers

 

Daily Prompt: Tell us about the last book you read (Why did you choose it? Would you recommend it?). To go further, write a post based on its subject matter.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/16/daily-prompt-words

 

The last book I read was “Wedding Night” by Sophie Kinsella. Lottie thought her boyfriend of many years was about to propose and when she was hopelessly wrong (she even bought him a ring!), they break up and she reconnects with an old teenage fling, Ben. They spontaneously decide to get married which makes Fliss, Lottie’s older sister who is very familiar with Lottie’s behavior after a bad break up, very concerned. Lottie and Ben go back to where their fling first started, the magical island of Ikonos, for their honeymoon. Meanwhile, big sister Fliss’s mission is to stop them from consummating their marriage so they can get an annulment. But along the way, Fliss unexpectedly meets Ben’s best man, Lorcan, and perhaps finds a love of her own.

Sophie Kinsella is as hilarious as ever as she tells the story from both Fliss’ and Lottie’s perspectives. She’s my favorite author and this book took me about one night to read. I would definitely recommend it to anyone!

This book made me think a lot about sibling relationships, especially between sisters. My older sister (who ironically turned me on to Sophie Kinsella many years ago) reminds me of Fliss so much: independent, loving, caring, and always looking out for her spontaneous baby sister who is prone to making some stupid decisions. My sister is 10 years older than me and practically raised me. She is the one person throughout my whole life I could turn to for anything and I could count on her support. Often times, she knew me better than I knew myself, so naturally she was also there to stop me from doing stupid things too.

I’m not saying she would go as far as stopping me from consummating my marriage (hopefully!), but she was the first person to tell me when I should stop dating someone or that I’ve made a good decision in a guy.

I remember I was seeing one guy for about a year and we went on a double date with my sister for Valentines day. Afterwards, my sister didn’t hesitate to let me know the guy was a total dud and I should stop seeing him. Even though I had been seeing him for a year and was “in love” with the guy, I could always count on my sister to tell me how it is. In hindsight I wish I had listened to her. (The purple and yellow sneakers should have been enough to have me running the other way.)

Needless to say, I now take her opinion on the men I see very seriously and probably wouldn’t be with my current boyfriend of 4 1/2 years had it not been for her immediate approval.

This book also show forgiveness between two sisters. Naturally, Lottie finds out what her big sister had been up to and still manages to forgive her. At the end of the day, no matter how much you mess up, you are sisters and you are blood. No argument is worth the sacrifice of that bond. My sister and I have gotten into arguments big and small, but we always get through it. I’ve seen sisters break their relationship over petty arguments and silly fights. I couldn’t imagine that happening to me and my sister; I don’t know what I would do if I ever lost her in my life.

What I love most about this book is how much of an extent Fliss will go for Lottie. Even though what she is doing is absolutely ridiculous, she doesn’t see it that way until the very end when Lorcan realizes what she’s up to. The love you have for your sister is almost blinding to all reason. You do what you need to do for your sister. Fliss was willing to sacrifice her relationship with her sister, something she treasured, to give her sister a better life.

I completely understand that. I would do absolutely anything for my sister.

But that’s the bond of sisters: you’re there for each other through thick and thin, ridiculous and absurd…

For better and for worse.

I love you sis!

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Slow Down, Calm Down, Live Better

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Is it just me, or is driving getting less and less fun? Changing lanes when no one will let you over, people running red lights left and right, and driving on the highway with the red Mustang on your butt because he wants to drive 90mph while you’re only going 10 over the speed limit. The other day, someone actually tried to run me off the road like they do in Fast and the Furious (and I thought it only happened in movies psh). It seems like everyone is always in a rush these days. No one stops to let his neighbor over, and even when we leave 20 minutes early, we feel a need to rush and get back, only to wait another 20 minutes at our destination.

But what would happen if the whole world just slowed down? Well, lots of things would be much better. And yes, driving is one of them.

1. Far less speeding tickets
Does it really make a difference if you go the speed limit or 80 mph (reckless driving in Virginia). Let’s look at this from a mathematical perspective. The distance from Washington D.C to Richmond is 108 miles (about 2 hours), 90 miles of which are on I95. Let’s say the average speed limit on I95 is 68mph. Since,

Distance= Rate x Time

The difference between going 68mph:

90miles= 68mph x Time
90miles/68mph=Time
Time= 1.32 Hours or 1 hour and 19 minutes

And 80 mph:
90miles= 80mph x Time
90miles/80mph=Time
Time= 1.125Hours or 1 hour and 7 minutes

is only 11 minutes. Over the course of 2 hours, does 11 minutes actually make a difference? And think about it this way, if you get pulled over, the amount of time you spend on the side of the road, in court, working to pay the lawyer and court fees far exceeds 11 minutes.

Sure, in the grand scheme of things driving tickets don’t seem so world changing. But we all know what happens because of aggressive driving. According to the NHSTA,

approximately 6,800,000 crashes occur in the United States each year; a substantial number are estimated to be caused by aggressive driving.

Plus, research has found that aggressive drivers are more likely to drive drunk.

So next time you’re on the road, slow down and stay calm. You’re not helping yourself any by speeding and driving aggressively.

2. A Healthier Population
Having worked in health care for the majority of my teenage and adult life, there is a reoccurring pattern I’ve noticed. Doctors are spending less and less time with patients in an effort to see as many patients as possible. I first noticed this when it happened to me in high school. For one year I had a chronic cough. I saw several doctors, all of which prescribed me antibiotics, and nothing changed until I saw one doctor (my current one) who told me its not a bacterial infection; I have asthma. The difference between her and the other doctors? She spent 30 minutes with me while all the other doctors spent 10 minutes or less. Not that I have any first hand experience with this, but it makes me think how often has something like this happened in the ER? Or on the operating table?

Doctors aside, how often do you feel like you’ve gotten sick because you were in a rush and didn’t wash your hands or grab a tissue? I can’t think of a time I’ve been sick and it could have been avoided if I or someone wasn’t in a rush. This is why the virus this year was so bad. If people just slowed down and took care of themselves instead of always rushing from one place to the next and spreading their germs along the way or picking up someone else’s, the epidemic wouldn’t have been so bad.

3. Less conflict
It’s human nature, we’ve all done it, and it always leads to more problems that we could have avoided: acting on emotion. So much of conflict in life happens when we don’t take a moment to take a deep breath. You see it on the soccer field all the time. A player gets angry, he kicks the ball, kicks a player, gets a red card, then spits in the referees face. If that player took a deep breath, he probably wouldn’t now be banned from soccer for a while. So often in life we are conflicted by our emotions and we want to act on them. Think about your last fight with your friend/boyfriend/family member. If you had taken a day to calm down and think about it again, would you still have had that fight?

Now think about this: if we applied this same logic to the world, how much conflict could we have stopped?

Hitler invaded France to seek revenge for Germany’s defeat in World War I. From there, a chain of events led to World War II. But, I think few would disagree that Hitler was one dude that really needed to calm down.

The Pig War was an argument over a slaughtered swine which led to a full-scale conflict between the United States and Great Britain.

The War of the Stray Dog started between Bulgaria and Greece when a Greek soldier was shot after allegedly crossing the border into Bulgaria while chasing after his runaway dog.

And we can’t ignore the emotion of greed, which has led to so much conflict including the French and Indian war and India-Pakistan conflict over Kashmir.

I’m not saying I hold the key to world peace. But I do believe a large amount of conflicts and issues can be resolved by everyone just slowing down.

We as a society need to slow down, calm down, put our tops down, and breathe. Life is so short, if we rush through moments it’s like cramming for an exam. You get to the test at the end and you don’t really remember anything.

It’s all just a blur.

Much Luv,
-Avi

10 Reasons Why I Defriended You on Facebook

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I’ve finally done it! I have finally gone through my Facebook friends and deleted the people I don’t know, have forgotten, am annoyed with, and, frankly, sick of. A couple months ago, I realized I had over 2,000 Facebook friends. Now, I don’t think I have enough close friends to even fill up a house for a dinner party; I definitely don’t know over 2,000 people.

I know how it happened. Throughout college between all of the conventions, organizations, parties, friends of friends of friends, the random cute guy I wanted to stalk, it all started to add up! But over the past couple months, I didn’t even want to use Facebook anymore because I would scroll through my news feed and wouldn’t even be sure who I was looking at anymore and not really caring about one of my “friend’s” new cat and it’s 100s of pictures (seriously, who posts 100 pictures of their cat? I can’t handle this).

I finally decided enough and started to slowly unfriend people. Well, let’s just say it’s not easy going through 2,000 people. It took me 1 hour to get through the A’s alone! It’s seemed a lot less difficult in my head but by the time you see the person’s name, their profile to decide to keep them or not… well, here’s how I decided to ultimately unfriend them:

1) I don’t recognize your name. Basically, if I had to actually look through your profile to figure out who you are and why we became friends in the first place, there’s a 50/50 shot that I unfriended you. Maybe that jogged my memory, but if not, adios!

2) Your group pictures show up on my News Feed
and I don’t know which one you are…

3) You send me game requests CONSTANTLY
No, I don’t want to add you to “My Birthdays” or play “Criminal Case” or share crops (or whatever it is they do on that Farming game). There’s a reason I haven’t accepted your request the first 1,395 times. It’s been a long time coming, my “friend.”

4) You keep adding me to random groups
WHEN and WHY did Facebook ever make the option to add people to a group without their approval? And if you were truly my friend, you would know I’m not interested in being part of your “Drifffffftttingg!!!@@!!” group (you can’t make this stuff up).

5) You have lost your phone too many times
Seriously, get it together.

6) You’re constantly posting daragtory posts/pictures or using daragtory language
I’m a big fan of Freedom of Speech, but not a fan of Freedom of @#$%^&. Sorry.

7) You are confusing Facebook with Twitter
And changing your status every 5 seconds with everything that happens to you. Sorry about the traffic, but wrong media outlet #FacebookProblems.

8) …and Instagram
NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU’RE EATING! Save the “nomnoms” for the #igers

9) I’m so tired of your pity party
I’m sorry that you can’t find a boyfriend. And maybe you’re right that men are so judgemental and if you were 20 lbs. skinnier you would have a boyfriend. But maybe you can’t find a boyfriend because your Facebook friends are annoyed with you posting about how you can’t find a boyfriend. Hmm!

10) Your political voice is too loud
Regardless of my own political affiliation, the minute you post “I THINK THEREFORE I AM NOT (Republican/Democrat),” (like I said, you can’t make this stuff up) I have no room for you in my life, let alone News Feed. It’s about unconditional respect.

If one of those reasons applies to you and I kept you on, it may have been because

1) It would have been too much drama to defriend you. You’ll find out, you’ll gossip, I’ll get an awkward Facebook message along with some bad karma. No thanks. Looking at your cats is a small price to pay

2) I want to see where you end up in life. Maybe we went to elementary school together… or maybe you were mean to me in High School and I’ll end up your boss one day (*evil nerd laugh*).

3) I only friend-ed you to stalk you. Don’t judge me. That’s normal, isn’t it?

Much Luv,
-Avi

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