5 Stages of a Mother’s Worry

I have the best mother in the world. I love her so much and she loves and cares about me so much. She cares about me so much in fact that if I do not return her phone call within a matter of milliseconds, she begins to panic and contact anyone and everyone to find out my whereabouts. This started about 4 years ago when I went off to college and hasn’t stopped since. I haven’t let it get as far as a week, but I ‘m afraid to let it get there.

I am still unsure if this is entirely because she is an Indian mother, but through careful observation and case studies I have been able to deduce it is certainly a factor. I have yet to meet a non-Indian who experiences such extreme measures from their own mother, but several Indians who have.

In any case, here is some insight into the hilarious world of having an Indian mother:

Day 1: First Ignored Phone Call
Number of calls: 1
Text message: “Hi Avi cal me” (my mom is just learning how to text. Shes 56. Pretty awesome.)
Voicemail: None
Reason for calling: None

Day 2: Second Ignored Phone Call
Number of calls: 1
Text message: None
Voicemail: “Hi Avi, it’s mom. I tried to call but no answer. Call me back. bye”
Reason for calling: Still none

Day 3: Commence Worried Mother
Number of calls: 2
Text message: “Avi, I try to cal. No answer. I am worry. Cal me”
Voicemail: “Avi I have been trying to reach you and you are not calling back. I am getting worried. Call me back. Bye”
Reason for calling: To yell at me for not calling her back
Alternative response: Contact my sister to see if she has heard from me.

Day 4: PANIC
Number of calls: 5
Text message: “Avi. Call me. We are worried”
Voicemail: “AVI WHERE ARE YOU. YOU ARE NOT RETURNING MY CALLS. call me, bye”
Reason for calling: To make sure I never ignore another phone call again.
Alternative response: Contact my sister/friends/roommate to see where I am

Day 5: ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
Number of calls: Infinite
Text message: None
Voicemail: None
Alternative Response: Contact College/Richmond Police/Coast Gaurd/Navy Seals/Santa Claus/Cap’n Crunch/God Himself to find my body at the bottom of the James River, only to find out I have been sitting in the library.

Regardless of what stage this gets to, I ultimately have the same conversation with my mother:

“Hi Mom, what’s up?”
“VAT YOU MEAN?! VY YOU NOT CALL ME BACK! I HAVE BEEN VORRIED!”
“Mom, I’ve been busy with school”
“VAT YOU MEAN BUSY? YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK TO MOM? AT LEAST TEXT?”
“Okay mom, sorry. What’s up?”
“Nothing…did you eat?”

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